I am nearing (as we all know) the closer of the final chapter of College. It has been ,overall, a beautiful adventure. However, as the last year has been ticking by I have felt I have lost something. The Daniel that enter college is not the same leaving. I am not talking about maturing, not taking about political views or any of that jazz.
Today, while driving to school, it hit me like a giant whale slamming into a car. I can't thrive on routine. I lose my creative spark, I feel disconnect, I use distractions to get me by. The way I thrive in life is by variety and a continuous change of environment.
I have been at school for 4 1/2 years and have studied under the same professors for about the same time. The spark of school has left. The spark of new has left. The spark has left. My mind feels closed, my thoughts trapped, I am not speaking my mind. It is thrilling that this happened to me, for I just learned the greatest life lesson today.
To have my life at its fullness, I have to have a variety. This puts me in a heightened state, where I am more active, focused, creative, driven.
Without this feeling and allowing "the grass to grow" makes me feel like I don't have control. Makes me feel lost.
I have realized I have to have control of my life. I can't let something or someone restrain me in life. Just to clarify, I am not talking about being a boss at work and not letting people take over. I am specifically talking about my life.
At this point, I need this college to end. I need to move out of STL (even though I love this city), I need new.
So what happens now?
I graduate, I leave the comfortable, I strive for new, change, and adventure. I have been told not to "wish it all away" and I can reassure you that I am not "wishing it all away." In fact I am wanting to do the next thing. I have accomplished all that I need to here at school. I need my next challenge.
To all of the nay Sayers I may have, I tell you this: each person is different, each person requires something different. What I need is for me to decide and I am going to do that.
For anyone that is also feeling lost in any way of form: do what I have done for the past year: start questioning everything you do, your emotions, patterns. Write down your best and worst moment and ask why! Figure out what makes you tick, and why. Once you accomplish this, eventually you will hit a realization like I did!
I had to tell everyone this! Happy December! Happy 3 days till graduation! Happy 8 days till I move! Happy endings! Happy beginnings! Happy adventures!!